The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. It truly has been a roller coaster of emotions and an end to life as we know it. For me, it started as fear of this virus and fear of being a target of racism to anger at how our country dealt with this virus to now just sadness for those who have been personally affected and anxiety for the future.
My heart breaks for those who have lost precious family members, who risk their lives at the front lines of fighting this disease, and who have lost their jobs/are forced to work high-risk just to make ends meet.
Today, I went on a run for the first time in a while and just prayed the entire time. To my surprise I began to bawl out of anxiety and desperation. It angers me how much school, reputation, and success as idols have a grip on me — as they continue to be major stress factors even in the midst of these dark times.
Recently, a loved one of someone I love passed away most likely due to this disease and reality hit. Our world as we know it can be completely flipped upside down by an organism smaller than what can be seen by the human eye — so why do I care so much about worldly standards and pleasures?
During my run, an unending list of prayers spewed out of lips for this individual, for his loved one, for his family, for health workers, for grocery store workers, for delivery people, for government officials, for those who have been hurt by the effects of this virus, for those who have yet to be saved, etc.
As I looked up and saw the bright blue sky and cherry blossoms blooming, I ended my prayer by still praising God for being good, which honestly came as a surprise to me, but I could sense Him changing my heart.
This post is kind of all over the place like my mental state right now, but I am so grateful for the individuals and communities who make me who I am and make this time of quarantine a bit less lonely. But most importantly, I am grateful to have a God who is sovereign even during these hectic times. Right now is a reminder of how this life is temporary and there is so much left to come for those who believe. Yes, nothing has really improved of the situation at hand and mostly likely it will get worse before it gets better. Yes, I still worry and I still fear, but I also know God is still so near. So I will continue to wait during this “already, but not yet” period and spread love during this time that needs it most. I believe love right now can come in many forms — being present (maybe not physically, but virtually or through other means) to those who are struggling, providing for those who are in need, comforting/checking up on loved ones who are isolated, praying for your neighbors, etc.
“By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.” — 1 John 4:17–19
